How do you feel when you walk down the hill along with a cup of coffee and earphones plug in your ears? Do you feel lonely? Or do you feel happy?
My answer is I am always happy whenever I walk alone with a cup of coffee and good music. It is even better when the cold wind comes through. Why?
Because I am an introvert.
The problem of being an introvert is that they always want to do things alone. While some people want to explore the world with their friends and lovers, introverts prefer traveling alone. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have friends but it is because they think it is better if they go alone. Sometimes, they reject their friends just to go somewhere alone. However, introverts also want to socialize and outgoing as other people too.
That was my plan before coming to Korea. I told myself not to lock myself in the room alone like I used to do. I told myself to hang out and making new friends. And, I did. I have known many people and made many friends. Of course, I am having a wonderful time here with them. I have experienced so many incredible things with them. The funny thing is whenever I hang out with them, I miss the time of being alone. I have always thought of going there again, alone.
When I went shopping with my friends and see a beautiful stuff, instead of buying it, I thought I will come back again and buy it. I wonder why don’t I just do whatever I want to do when I am with other people? I still cannot figure out the reason behind what I am doing. I just feel like I can be who I really am and do what I want to do when I am alone.
Introverts are sometimes weird. They find it hard to get to know new people and making new friends. People around me said that I am good at communication. They said I know many people. Yes, I do. I know many people but they don’t know how hard I was when I get to know them for the first time. Every time I approach them, I feel like I am not good enough to be someone’s friend. That happens not only in friendship but also in a relationship.
I don’t know if it is because I lack self-confident or because I am an introvert.
Could it be both?
I love going anywhere and do things alone. I love to go shopping alone, drink coffee alone, eat ice-cream alone, have meals alone, and so on. Does it sound pathetic to you? Well, it somehow sounds like that to me.
However, it doesn’t mean that I am always alone. I prefer being alone but not all the time. I would really love to get to know new people and have a good time with them. I guess what I am doing is to change myself. It is not because I don’t like being an introvert but I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to experience thing as many as I can.
Yet, I still want to be alone for most of the time. 😁