A Lost Soul

How do you see yourself in the next 5 or 10 years?

The feeling of floating in the ocean, hanging in the air, losing direction in the middle of the highway, and losing track in the forest. Feeling LOST.

There was one time in the class when Professor asked students to write about “A Crystal Ball: How do you see yourself in the next 5 or 10 years?“, surprisingly, I cannot picture myself in the next 5 or 10 years. Back when I was in college, I could answer this question easily. I am shocked to realize that I cannot answer it now. The vision of my future is blurred like the sun when it is covered by dark clouds in the storm and it is hard to chase all those clouds away.

10 years ago when I just graduated from high school and started college, I was so energetic. I knew what I want and always set a concrete plan in order to reach it. No matter how hard or impossible the goal is, I always had a strong motivation and commitment to achieve it. Suddenly, I seem to lose all my passions, motivations, and commitment.

I remember a book called ‘Who Moved My Cheese by Dr. Spencer Johnson. I once was a mouse called ‘Sniff’, I was always ready for changes and use it to challenge myself. As I’m getting older, I have become more like a little human called ‘Hem’. It seems like what I had done so far was only to find the cheese at Station C. Now that I have been staying there for too long, it has become my comfort zone. However, a little difference between Hem and me is that I am aware of changes. I know that I need to do something but instead of getting out and searching for a new station like ‘Haw’, I am stuck in the current situation and victimize myself for not being able to change.

It is not because I am afraid of changes, but it is because I still have not figured out what I want to do yet. I am trying to listen to the inner voice in my head in the pursuit of finding the thing that I am passionate about. The thing that I am willing to commit and gives me a strong motivation to achieve it.

My life chapter in Korea is about to end. I have only one year to think of what should I do next. The time is getting shorter, so I have to use it wisely.

Screen Shot 2018-08-21 at 9.44.40 PM
 In my late 20s, I have become a lost soul. 

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